Mark Twain

collection of quotes by Mark Twain

Here is a compilation of witty, humorous, and insightful quotes from Mark Twain, the celebrated American author and humorist recognized for his keen social commentary and memorable works like The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn:

On Life and Humanity:

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
“Life does not consist mainly—or even largely—of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one’s head.”
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”

On Truth and Lies:

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
“Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.”
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
“Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.”
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

On Humor and Wit:

“Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”
“Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”
“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”

On Knowledge and Education:

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
“Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.”
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”
“Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.”

On Politics and Society:

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”
“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”
“Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
“In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.”
“Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressman can.”
“No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.”
“Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”

On Human Nature:

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
“It’s not the parts of the Bible that I don’t understand that bother me; it’s the parts that I do understand.”
“The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.”
“Man is the only animal that blushes—or needs to.”
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”
“The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

On Adventure and Exploration:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear.”
“You can’t reach old age by another man’s road. My habits protect my life, but they would assassinate you.”
“The world owes you nothing; it was here first.”

On Success and Failure:

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”
“The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.”
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”
“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”

On Writing and Creativity:

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
“Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.”
“A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.”

Mark Twain’s quotes encapsulate the humor and absurdities of human nature, providing timeless wisdom on life, love, politics, and society with a mix of wit and wisdom that still resonates today.